Mind you, even Myanmar’s military junta doesn’t ground teenagers if they come home reeking of alcohol. Even the most suppressive rulers don’t tell people how to dress. Authoritarian regimes don’t frown on you when your sugar intake is far too much, or if you don’t shower before bed. Most of them allow pubs or discotheques to open. Poor school grades? No pressure and not a word.
Mothers are the opposite of all that, and a lot more. If you resent a government’s prying eyes, try keeping a boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s naughty note in your computer and see who gets to it first. Before you attack political leaders for not respecting privacy, for being too strict, and for being different from other governments, perhaps you should look closer to home.
The family dictators will lessen the grips when you get older. The prying eyes will become less intrusive. You will be able to sleep late and wake up late without worrying about being dragged or yelled out of bed. You no longer need to hide unhealthy food, and hanging out depends on your convenience and budget as the dictators’ rules expire.
But the care and anxiety will remain as strong. They just are not showed as intensely as before. The annoying ones now fear they could annoy you too much, even as your behaviour may seem more worrying than when you wore school or university uniforms. But don’t for a minute mistake the “freedom” you are enjoying for letting go at long last. No mother can stop being a mother. Your perceived “freedom” is only part of their job.
It’s that time of the year again when all product advertisements under the sun are tied to the mythical blend of “dictatorship” and “freedom”. Everyone is being prompted to buy a gift basket, to take moms out for generously-discounted meals, give them health insurances befitting their love, and etc. Some of the dictators will be happy because they never expected anything in return. Others will pretend they are overwhelmed. A few don’t even know why their past dictatorial acts deserve that much.
Cool and touching as they are, the ads omit an integral part of motherhood, the dictatorial approach. Children hate it, but sooner or later they will find out why it is necessary.
Researchers have coined the term “Contemporary Mother”, the relaxed and not-too-pushy-or-not-demanding type, which children obviously like the most. The youngsters can dream on, because they will someday discover that even they themselves will become dictatorial. It’s all but guaranteed that once they have their own children, they will turn into someone they told themselves they would never be.
But dictatorial as they will become, they will run into a brick wall for their own kids, who will resent them at first, until, of course, they have their own children. The dictatorship is here to stay, created by a curious blend of care, worries and (ironically) understanding. It can go into hiding, but it can never be diluted. In other words, changing a nation’s Constitution is easier than changing that motherly nature.
We grow up appreciating things that are abstract or changeable, and taking for granted the meticulously-cooked menus at home that will taste exactly the same years later. We grow up asking why other children are “freer” who can hang around late at night and wear more revealing clothes.
Believe it or not, the mothers had asked the same questions. The lucky ones got the answers soon enough. The not-so-lucky ones came to the realisation when their own adolescent children arrive home late reeking of alcohol. Both groups, however, follow the footsteps of the ones before them.
At least for once, forget a Constitution torn up, or written, or to be recreated, by people who don’t know you as a person. At least for once, suspend your faith in political policies crafted by those who don’t care whether you brush your teeth before bed or not.
And at least for once, tell yourself that if you have to die for someone, you will die for the world’s biggest dictator.
By Tulsathit Taptim
