“Singaporeans are too strict”, “Malaysians are too soft”, “Filipinos are too noisy” and "Thais are too easygoing.” For all the talk of ASEAN unity, many Southeast Asians still rank, compare and stereotype one another. The region may preach “one community,” but on the streets, in classrooms and online, the divides often run deeper than the slogans suggest.
As ASEAN leaders gather in Kuala Lumpur this week for the 47th ASEAN Summit where Timor-Leste’s formal admission will mark the bloc’s continued unity and expansion, the question of how well Southeast Asians truly understand one another lingers quietly in the background.
Shared region, split perceptions
When Luo Chen Jun, a former civil servant from Singapore, joins regional exchanges, he often notices how people see his country first.
“Singaporeans are often described as competitive, stiff and rule-bound,” he said. “We are thought to be lacking in warmth and flexibility. But when I worked with ASEAN friends, I found that they are often pleasantly surprised at the depth of interest and curiosity Singaporeans exhibit towards fellow countries and peoples, and their earnestness for a partnership.”
Still, he admits that stereotypes go both ways. “A lot of Singaporeans still regard neighboring countries through lenses tinted by tourism or the media,” he said. “For instance, they regard Indonesia mainly through the beaches or the Philippines on account of the hospitality of the people or the singing prowess of its people. They sometimes forget the seriousness of thought and the social innovation taking place in these countries.”
From across the Causeway, Arief Ferdaus, a communications and research officer in Malaysia, agrees that many assumptions start with what people don’t see.
“I think some other ASEAN nationals have this assumption that Malaysians in general are a bit too soft,” he said. “Probably due to the country’s background of not having a bloody history to the extent some extremists think Malaysia stole other people’s culture and got independence ‘too easily.’”
“An average Malaysian may not have a lot of exposure with foreigners unless they live in urban cities, study in universities or work in multinationals,” he continued. “Hence, an average Malaysian may have a general assumption that anyone from other ASEAN countries like Myanmar, Cambodia and the Philippines are migrant workers or scammers.”
Yet Arief also sees admiration beneath the stereotypes. “Some look at Malaysia with some curiosity due to our diversity and how we maintained a rather functional society despite our internal differences,” he said.
Breaking the labels
From the Philippines, Bernard Decloedt knows how quickly reputations travel and how misleading they can be.
“People often think the Philippines is a backward country,” he said. “That we have terrorist insurgencies, mostly in reality only in Mindanao.”
He admits Filipinos carry their own set of assumptions about their neighbors. “Thailand, it is a country with very high HIV cases. Bangkok is very chaotic. Vietnam and Cambodia, still war-torn countries. Myanmar, a hub for scammers,” he said.
But Bernard is quick to separate fact from fiction. “For Myanmar, there were proven reports of Filipinos being promised decent work but ending up in scam companies,” he said. “Thailand has its challenges, but HIV is already well-controlled there. HIV testing is available everywhere. And Vietnam and Cambodia have progressed exponentially. They have robust tourism industries – Vietnam has even overtaken the Philippines in tourist arrivals.”
Travel, he added, helped change his perspective even more. “On my first trip to Thailand in 2010, I thought it was a very chaotic city,” he said with a laugh. “But actually it’s a better version of Manila with very efficient travel systems, I super love BTS, plus the malls there are insane.”
For Bernard, the takeaway is simple. “Never judge the book by its cover,” he said. “It’s best to explore the city and see its beauty beyond the tourist spots by interacting with locals and learning their culture, especially their food.”
Beyond borders, beyond assumptions
Across the Mekong, Lily Southida, a project officer from Laos, often hears that Lao people are too quiet or too slow.
“I often hear that Lao people are shy, which partly comes from our humble and reserved culture,” she said. “Another common assumption is that Lao people are always late, and to be fair, that can be a little true sometimes.”
“Some also assume Laos is just like Thailand but less developed, or that because we’re peaceful and calm, we lack ambition or drive.”
But Lily says that narrative misses the depth of Lao identity. “While Laos shares similarities with neighbors like Thailand, Cambodia and Myanmar, Lao culture has its own distinct soul,” she said. “Our art, language and way of life reflect harmony, community and contentment. It’s not just a mirror of others but a unique identity that deserves to be seen.”
She remembers one youth exchange that changed her perspective on Thai-Lao relations. “Growing up, we were sometimes taught that Thai people looked down on Lao people,” she said. “But when I met Thai students, we laughed over how similar our languages were and discovered how much we shared. The new generation wants connection, not comparison.”
A mirror across the region
For Irin Julajaturasirarat, a teacher and civil servant from Thailand, stereotypes about her country are often split in two.
“The first type is positive, people see Thailand as a place with delicious food, kind and generous people and beautiful tourist attractions,” she said. “The second type is less positive, some groups might have had unpleasant experiences or received inaccurate information about my country.”
She believes it’s time to look beyond surface impressions.“Many Thais admire Singapore for its cleanliness and discipline, the Philippines for its English-speaking skills and Laos as a brother nation with shared kindness,” she said. “But in reality, every country has both positive and negative sides that outsiders may not fully see.”
“Our culture has much deeper meaning than what is visible on the surface,” she added. “Every aspect, from architecture to traditional music, reflects our values and beliefs passed down for generations.”
Unity in diversity
ASEAN’s strength lies in its diversity, but that is also what makes it complex.
Southeast Asia, in a study titled ASEAN 2040: ASEAN Vision as ASEAN Peoples’ Vision, was described as one of the most diverse regions in the world, home to hundreds of millions of Muslims, Christians, Buddhists and Hindus living side by side.
Surveys show that most Southeast Asians still feel a shared sense of belonging despite these differences, showing that “unity in diversity” is more than just a slogan.
Still, as the Council on Foreign Relations notes, that unity is constantly tested. Each country faces its own political and economic realities, and ASEAN’s long-held rule of noninterference often makes it difficult for the bloc to act together on issues such as Myanmar’s conflict or the South China Sea.
Real cohesion, experts say, will not come from summits or speeches alone but from how ordinary Southeast Asians understand and engage with one another every day.
Beyond stereotypes, towards understanding
In these reflections from Singapore, Malaysia, Laos, Thailand and the Philippines, one truth stands out: stereotypes shrink what is actually vast and diverse.
As Arief puts it, “The lower the exposure, the higher the ignorance.”
And as Luo reminds, “[You] come to know the pulse of the country not from headlines, but by observing the little things of kindness done each day by the people for one another.”
The reflections reveal a common thread: while stereotypes are widespread, they rarely capture the full reality. People are more complex than the labels attached to them.
Singaporeans may be disciplined but also deeply curious and cooperative, Malaysians may appear soft but are resilient and community-minded, Filipinos may be seen as noisy but are also hospitable, creative and hardworking, Lao people may seem quiet but carry a rich cultural depth, and Thais may appear easygoing but are deeply rooted in values and traditions.
At this week’s ASEAN Summit, leaders will talk about integration, resilience and cooperation. But real understanding, the kind that binds communities, happens far from the podium. It begins when neighbors talk, listen and see each other not as clichés but as people.
