Showing respect for adults and the elderly, collectively known in Thai as “pooyai” (ผู้ใหญ่), is a cultural norm in Thailand, which is widely perceived as a virtue. While abuse of power is, however, becoming increasingly common, from boasting about their seniority and abusing youngsters to expecting special privileges, Thai people have found themselves rethinking how respect should really be perceived.
“Pooyai” also refers to people in positions of power and “influential figures” in their communities.
Therefore, how has this “always-respect-the-pooyai” belief allowed certain people to mistreat whoever they want? How often are our values compromised because pooyais “are always right”?
Most importantly, is it wrong to have no respect for pooyais who treat us badly? Or is it because Thais have been teaching “respect” the wrong way?
What does “respect” mean to Thais?
Universally, respect is respect, regardless of who you are and where you are from, but “respect” in Thai culture is somehow different.
There are several words in the Thai language used to describe respect. The most common is “Kao-rob” (เคารพ) which means to respect someone, such as respecting the elderly or paying respects to the national anthem or a religion. Other words include “Nub-tue” (นับถือ) which means to have huge respect for someone, while “Nob-norm” (นอบน้อม) means to respect someone with a humble attitude, especially when you consider yourself inferior to the other person to whom you are speaking.
The way these terms are described in the Thai language means you respect someone or something only because it is of “high regard”, such as the pooyais, which is going in an upward direction only. Therefore, Thais often find themselves reinforcing the belief of humble respect for whoever is “above” them, but it barely teaches people to respect each other, regardless of status.
A lot of this is rooted in the social hierarchies in Thai culture, where your age, gender, wealth, social status or lineage will determine how you will be treated. This has led people to believe that the higher the ranking, the more authority and respect you will gain, or will expect from others.
For this reason, some people feel entitled to boast about their superiority and talk condescendingly to others, believing that everyone has to be humble and respect them no matter what, because they are in a “higher” position.
This is especially true regarding age, all Thais rank each other by comparing themselves to a family member, such as Pee (พี่, as in older brother or sister), Loong (ลุง, as in uncle), Pah (ป้า, as in aunt), Na (น้า, as in female cousin), Ah (อา, as in male cousin) and Nong (น้อง, as in younger brother or sister).
Such honorifics are supposed to be used based on love and care for others, like a family. Some people, however, use them as a “shield of honour”, to demand respect from whoever they see as “young children”, especially those who seem to be ignorant about seniority. The frustration has even sparked a social media catchphrase “Krai-Nong-mueng-ka” (ใครน้องมึงคะ) literally “Who the hell is your Nong?”. This is used by people to express their irritation with seniors, including complete strangers, who try to patronise them.
This is much more obvious in the Seniority, Order, Tradition, Unity, and Spirit (SOTUS) system in some Thai universities, which forces juniors to respect the seniors submissively, based on the dictatorial rules that “The seniors are always right. The juniors are always wrong. If not, go back to the first and second rules”, and seniors feel entitled to oppress their juniors.
These hierarchical structures have allowed a detrimental power-imbalance to persist. Unfortunately, this problem is not discussed enough in Thai society. When it is not discussed, the pooyais continue to be pompous and feel entitled by seniority and power.
Abuse of power?
Aside from boasting about their seniority, when a pooyai’s pomposity leads them to believe they have the utmost power and influence, they also feel entitled to special treatment and privileges.
Back in 2019, the then-Palang Pracharath party MP Sira Jenjaka blasted two police officers for not providing him with security escorts during his visit to inspect a condominium, allegedly built on disputed land in Phuket. Sira reportedly shouted “I’m a pooyai” and “How dare you raise your voice at me” at the officers, implying that he is a powerful politician and should be respected as such. The notorious incident sparked anger on social media, which prompted the political party to issue a warning to the MP.
Another incident which went viral on social media many years ago involved an industrial estate executive slapping a transgender waitress at a hotel, only because he was not allowed to smoke inside a VIP dining room. The man claimed that the waitress was “rude” to him first, while repeatedly calling the waitress a “child”, reiterating that he is in a much higher position and that she should still speak to him humbly.
The most alarming element of this cultural norm, however, is the belief that pooyais in positions of power will always get away with their wrongdoings, including sexual assault, because they are powerful, influential and well-connected in society. Sadly, stories about politicians, high-ranking government officials and even teachers using their public image to threaten (and quietly settle with) sexual abuse victims are all too common.
For example, it took several years for Prinn Panitchpakdi to be held accountable for a string of sexual assaults, as no one ever thought that a reputable economist and a once rising star of the Democrat party had raped dozens of women. It was not until this year, when he was sentenced to four years and eight months in prison on two convictions, that his “pooyai” bubble was burst.
Even in office settings, people who fall victim to sexual harassment or workplace bullying often feel that they cannot not do anything to the abusers because they are pooyais, who may have the authority to decide their future at the company. This belief persists, even if victims decide to speak out and report the incident to the HR department.
Who is worthy of respect?
So, is it wrong to have no respect for pooyais who treat us badly? Of course not, if we only take fairness into account. However, in Thai culture, which still demands (blind) respect for pooyais, this can be tricky.
This brings us to our final question: What makes a person worthy of respect?
In many other cultures, respect must be earned and cannot be demanded. It is given, not taken. Respect is based on one’s perception of another as being worthy of one’s respect, not vice versa.
Many stories have shown that people are most worthy of respect NOT because of their seniority nor authority, but based on kindness, integrity, compassion and dedication. When people realise the true meaning of respect, they will eventually learn to stand up for themselves against people who use their perceived superiority to take advantage of others.
As much as we still believe in respecting pooyais, which is still a good thing and worth preserving in Thai culture, this is now the time when we seriously need to rethink how we teach respect for generations to come.
Our families and the education system should place more emphasis on teaching us to treat people with kindness and to respect each other equally, based on human dignity and virtue. As Thais have, frankly, been placing too much emphasis on social status, pooyais should actually set a good example for how “respect” should be, instead of boasting about their power over others.
Most of all, we should never be intimidated by people’s fame, seniority, wealth or social prestige and we should never allow them to undermine true values.
By Nad Bunnag, Thai PBS World
